|Everyone knows that communication is all. Being on the same wavelength; speaking the same language; ‘getting’ one another all feel great. This is the stuff of good communication and flow in a relationship. It feels natural and easy when it happens.
But what if somehow that’s just not what’s happening? The other person never tells you how they feel or pays you compliments or says thank you despite you always saying nice things to them and noticing and commenting positively. Or maybe they always seem to want to TALK but they don’t DO anything that feels good. They never give you a spontaneous hug, or bring you a cup of tea or pick something up they know you’ve been meaning to get.
Imagine a relationship where one person spoke Italian and the other Chinese. The more the other one didn’t understand what they were saying the louder and more angrily they both talked. They became incensed and blaming of the other one for not speaking or understanding THEIR language. As the whole thing escalated they felt increasingly hurt and resentful, thinking that the other one was rejecting them by never doing it their way. And simply not seeing what was actually happening.
This is something that’s rarely talked about but, once you can see what’s going on it’s huge. And solvable….
|Ittanese! Greenish! Franglais! Learn to speak the other one’s language. Recognise and acknowledge to yourself that it was an act of love when they DID this or SAID that rather than one of war because they didn’t SAY this instead of DOING that.
Though it may not be YOUR way, SAY something nice rather than simply DOING something. Or DO something nice for them rather than only SAYING something. Acknowledging the other person’s intention and learning how you can communicate what you want to in their language is key. Give them a hug (their language) as you tell them you’re pleased to see them (your language). Or tell the other one it’s great to see them (their language) as well as hugging them (your language). And appreciate them hugging you (your language) as well as them telling you its great to see you (their language).
Of course talking versus action aren’t the only mismatches in communication. But most of the time, if we simply observe how the other person behaves we’ll learn their language and what works for them as a means of communication. By the way – this also works wonderfully when it comes to sex. If the other person eg keeps stroking your arm or whispering things in your ear, even though it does nothing for you, chances are it would really work for them.
Think about all this. It’s super useful and, when you get it, you’ll find that it’s simple like most things that are true and that it works and feels good.
Let my sending and you receiving this newsletter and its content feel good as well as the words sounding good to you.
You are very welcome to contact me about relationship or any other issues.
With warm wishes in this cold month
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