…like some you loved

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Suzanne Thomas | Hypnotherapist and Counsellor, London
January 2019
…like someone you loved.
I was thinking about something someone said to me recently.  “…But HOW do I love myself?…”  ‘Love yourself” has become a hackneyed and almost vacuous trope often cynically seen as the foundations of ‘snowflake-ism’ (another trope.)    Frequently, what is said a lot becomes cliched and, as such,  often automatically rejected.  But what if something is said a lot BECAUSE IT’S RIGHT?…

For many, loving yourself is anathema, stemming from ecclesiastical disapproval of vanity.

For others, living with low levels of self worth and esteem, loving yourself goes against the grain  -of the very constructs of the low self opinion.  (An own goal if ever there were one!)

But then, what if you allow yourself to bypass or get over the above objections or any others?  HOW do you love yourself?  Then I came across a video on Youtube of a poem speedily recited by its author .   It’s very simple.  Those cynical voices or the disapproving or rejecting ones can, and probably will try calling it simplistic.  But we all know the truth IS simple.

‘Treat yourself like someone you loved.’

We KNOW how to treat someone we love.   To encourage them, to accept them, to nurture them.

Take tips from yourself.   Look at how you treat family, friends, even work colleagues.  And try giving yourself the consideration and care you give them.  Often we give out what we would actually like to receive.  Well – you can have it.  Just allow yourself to give it to yourself and to receive it – from yourself and from others.  The more you do that, the more you’ll notice how much more there is on offer from the people around you.  And the more loved and blessed you’ll feel.

WHAT a happy new year!

You Are Who You’ve Been Looking For.
Adam Roa

You are who you’ve been looking for so stop looking for more unless you’re looking in a mirror.  Because it’s about time for you to see clearly that you are who you’ve been looking for and

That empty feeling you’ve got – that hole in your chest
You only got that feeling because you think you’re not blessed

with everything you think you need.  You see we live in a consumerist society which means they need you to buy stuff and the easiest way to sell it is to tell you you’re not enough.

Buy this car you’ll get girls.  Buy this bra you’ll get guys.
And we’re seeing it so much we start believing these lies

but the truth is

The make up they’re selling to make you feel prettier
Is the same make up you buy to stop feeling shittier

about this lie they keep telling you that you are not enough .

And what about the movies we watch – all the shows on TV.
The more I watch the more I need you to complete me.
And, yes, love is the answer, love is the key
But if you can’t love yourself how could you ever love me?
And loving yourself – what does that even mean?
Like massages and selfies and that sort of thing?
Because the more I think about it the more it feels weird
And I’ve always been taught that self love was something to be feared.
I’ve been taught that arrogance is bad and vanity is not good
And even my bracelets are telling me to act how Jesus would
So what should I do?  How should I act?
I’m supposed to love myself but how do I even do that?
Well I got a trick that I picked up from a friend
Who noticed that I was quick to defend

her when she would say something negative about herself.

She would say “I’m so dumb”and I’d say “You’re so brilliant.”
She’d say “I’m so weak and I’d say “You’re so resiliant.”
And when she said “I’m so ugly” and I said “You look beautiful”
She asked why I was so dutifully
Filling up her cup constantly
And yet treating my own cup so irresponsibly.
Because when I looked in the mirror my voice was quite clear.
“You’re ugly, you’re too thin’
Your hairline’s receding, you’ve got a pimple on your chin.”
  And that was when she gave me a piece of advice that changed my life.  She gave me a hug and She said
“Treat yourself like someone you loved.”   
Treat yourself like someone you loved. 
Now I’d been standing but I needed to be sitting
Cos I couldn’t believe that I had been letting
Myself keep forgetting
That I was who I’d been looking for.
And deep in my core
I knew it was time to stop looking for more
until I could look through all my fear and look into a mirror and see clearly that the man looking back at me was the only one who can make me happy and I am already enough.  And I am not any more special special or unique than you.  That is why I’m here to speak to you,  You are already enough .
And when you start to see that,
You will start to be that.
And your world will get brighter.
Your load will get lighter
And you can be a lover. not a fighter.
And that life? You deserve it.
Because you are worth it
And there is no point in letting yourself keep forgetting because no matter what you say or do – you are perfect.
And so today I hope I leave you with a direction
away from the flaws you see in your reflection.
They aren’t flaws to me, they are simply protection
against all the doubts you have of your perfection.
So start today.  Take a good long look in the mirror, and say
I am who I’ve been looking for . 

It’s good to be back.

You’re welcome to come and see me if you’re struggling or if you want to for any reason and if you know anyone who’d like to receive my newsletter they’re welcome to let me have their email address.  By the way, feedback is great!

I wish you the best of Januarys and the best of years


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